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ards aw. I know some ww still don’t like the thought of the wm-aw couples, but, in general, the dating climate in the U.S. for aw is a lot more hospitable than in the 1940s, for example, and they are more accepted in the society than they used to be. The modern-day aw owe this change in climate to the pioneering aw of yester-year (and others like Mr and Mrs Loving) who were willing to brave the extreme hostility from mainstream society. Press on, sister. When you're open to dating IR in spite of the naysayers, you’re increasing the probability of a happier life for yourself and for future generations of bw.
Marriages Between Black Women and Non-Black Men
Also, don’t believe those that say all these non-black men are just after sex from black women. Some are and some aren’t—same thing with black guys. These Yahoo group and the blogs I mentioned above have many black women who participate who are married to non-black men and some of the blogs have pictures of black women at their weddings to non-black men.
I met this guy many years ago and his cousin, a bw, had just married into the British aristocracy (the groom was the son of a duke or an earl). A German prince, Prince Maximilian of Liechtenstein, married a black woman and he’s from one of the wealthiest royal families in Europe. The CEO of Symantec (makers of Norton Anti-virus) is married to a black woman. Count Ferdinand von Habsburg of Austria, who is a descendant of British royalty, married a black woman. Go to Sara’s blog (Interracial Love and Spice blog) and these other blogs and see the pictures of these couples for yourselves. I’m not mentioning black women’s marriages to men in the upper class to encourage black women to be gold diggers. I’m saying it because the truth is that men in a high socio-economic class tend to have a lot of women chasing after them and these guys bypassed those women to marry a black woman. I’m illustrating that even non-black guys who have way more options than the average Joe are marrying black women.
Ignore this rubbish propaganda about ALL non-black men using black women for sex. Just remember to screen all men because you have guys who behave like dogs in every race. (My belief is that no one should engage in pre-marital sex anyway. For Christian women: pray fervently and diligently for the Holy Spirit to give you the strength to overcome the temptation to have sex before marriage, and He will. I discuss this further in my post titled "More For Single Black Christian Women.")
Casting Your Net Wider
Unless you live somewhere like New York City where seeing black women in interracial relationships is not unusual, then it’s probably best to be flexible as far as the location of the person you’re dating. I know some people can’t stand long-distance relationships, but they give you a wider selection of guys to choose from and some long-distance relationships have made it to the marriage stage (mine is among them). Including men in Canada is also a good idea, as I heard there are bw finding love with non-bm over there. A relationship with a guy in Canada won’t be that much more inconvenient than a long-distance relationship within the U.S.—the inconvenience will come once you get married and one of you has to immigrate to the other country. I have heard the cities for a bw to target are: Toronto, Vancouver and Montreal. (They don’t just speak French in Montreal, by the way—they speak English too.)
A lady who commented on one of the blogs I mentioned earlier said AfroIntroductions.com is a good option for dating non-bm who are outside the U.S. It has a lot of non-bm in Canada and in Europe looking for bw; the website is for people of all races and in all countries who want to meet black women or men. (The homepage says it is for meeting African singles, but it really is for meeting singles of African descent—anybody that’s black). For dating non-bm who are abroad, also check out Interracial Dating Central and, if you speak a European language, one of Match.com's European websites. Have a look at the following link and you will see that Match.com has 17 European dating websites—for example, Match.com Germany and Match.com Sweden: matchus/international/index.aspx. Don’t turn up your nose at international long-distance relationships because some of them do work. Read my post titled “Black Women Dating Men from Europe” for a few international long-distance success stories. If you don’t speak a European language, you can always learn –try Rosetta Stone software, which the U.S. Army uses for language training.
Here are a few other international dating sites where you can meet Canadian and/or European men:
(i) – It is an introduction service for those who are marriage-ready and it will link black women with men overseas or with military men in the U.S.
(ii) (for black women and Scandinavian men)
(iii)
(iv)
(v)
(vi)
(vii) (notice this is different from BlackAmericanBrides.com) (viii)
Also, though Plenty Of Fish doesn’t market itself as an international dating site per se, it does have members from all over the world.
A Small Aside:
If you get engaged to a non-black guy who is in Europe, consider having the wedding in the U.S. Think of all the bw who will attend your wedding or hear about it in some other way if it is held in the U.S.—the knowledge of your wedding may contribute to some single bw finally opening up to IR dating. Having your wedding here will also increase the number of bw/non-bm marriages reported in the U.S., which in turn can contribute to encouraging more black women to decide to date outside their race.
When you do get engaged, if the guy is a non-bm, be sure to put an announcement in a U.S. newspaper. Not only will it encourage other bw, but it will also contribute to the normalization of bw/non-bm couplings in the eyes of other segments of society. For example, as I said before, as the number of bw entering dating relationships with non-bm increases, the number of non-bm approaching bw will also increase. There are non-bm in the U.S. reluctant to approach a bw they’re attracted to because they assume she probably doesn’t date outside her race.
Books and a Seminar to Guide You
Three of the black women’s interracial empowerment bloggers have written books on interracial dating for bw. One is called “Supposing I Want to Date a White guy.” Another is “Black Female Interracial Marriage” and the third is “Black Women Deserve Better.” There is also a book on black interracial dating by a black woman who is a relationship columnist and it is called “The Colors of Love: The Black Person's Guide to Interracial Relationships.” Unlike the first 3 books, this fourth book is for black women and black men. You may also want to check out the upcoming book, “Don't Bring Home a White Boy and Other Notions that Keep Black Women from Dating Out” (it will be available after Feb 1, 2010);” here’s a link to a promotional video for the book: LINK. Go on Amazon or Barnes and Noble to see the reviews and decide which book(s) to buy and then borrow the rest from your library if you can (if they don’t have a book, perhaps they can do an interlibrary loan to get it). If you can’t find a book in stock at Amazon or B&N, do a search to see where else you can purchase it.
There are seminars taking place around the country called “Free Your Mind: The Black Girl’s Guide to Interracial Dating.” One of these seminars was held in Los Angeles in 2009 and it was a resounding success (120 bw in attendance). Visit the following website for more information on workshop locations, dates, etc: freeyourmind/
When a Guy Approaches You
Ladies, if someone approaches you and you’re not interested, turn him down politely. There’s no need to humiliate the guy. Black women have such a bad reputation when it comes to this, that we are turning some non-black men off. When you rebuff a man in a rude way, you’re feeding into negative stereotypes of bw and making things harder for other sisters. One white guy who is madly in love with his black fiancée has started a blog on interracial relationships. He wrote that, compared to Asian women, black women tend to be much tougher on a man when they are blowing him off. He said that, in general, if an Asian women isn’t interested when a man approaches her, she will rebuff him very politely and sweetly. According to him, white women are not as polite as Asians when turning a guy down, but they aren’t as extreme as black women. Other men (including my husband) have made similar statements as this guy. Please, let’s remember to be gracious.
After You’re Open to IRR, Don’t Make Non-Black Men a Second Choice
There may be a tiny minority of bw reading this who are thinking to themselves: “I can have a non-black boyfriend so I won’t be lonely; however, I’ll simultaneously be surveying the landscape for a quality bm and when I find said bm, I’ll kick the non-bm to the curb.” If you’re one such woman, shame on you for planning on treating another human being like a disposable dinner napkin. Would you want a man to tell you that he was in a serious relationship with you, though he was secretly using you as a placeholder until he met the girl he wanted to marry?
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